July 22, 2009
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“The Tool Man’s” Dream
BBQ 2 Die4
West Glen’s newest café appears to have been designed by Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor, a character Tim Allen created for the 1990‘s top rated television series “Home Improvements.” Taylor was so obsessed with high powered, danger defying “real guy stuff” that the new products section of a hardware store inspired him to grunt like a mating baboon — “Oooh, oooh, oooh.” Everything about BBQ 2 Die 4 could trigger similar evolutional reversions. Even its name defies feng shui and eastern mysticism, two mortal foes of the real guy creed. (The number 4 is avoided in Chinese culture because its character also means death. Placing the word “die” in front of the number 4 invokes “double death.”)
Design at 2 Die 4 is state of the real guy craft: Wainscoting, bar trim and even baseboards were built with heavy aluminum diamondback sheeting; The tabletop on a long bar was granite so that real guys need not slam their drinks down on marble like girly men wearing togas; Chairs are barstools crafted out of stained birch and leather, the preferred materials of lumberjacks and cowboys; Floors are heavily sealed concrete; Stacked stone pillars, brushed nickel lambs, exposed spiral duct work and porcelain tiled bathrooms completed the 2 Die 4 style manual; “Art” at 2 Die 4 is a testosterone booster shot – a custom built Big Dog (motorcycle). It was mounted on a pedestal and was as visible as numerous hi def, wide screen television monitors, all programmed to real guy channels ESPN, Fox Business, Versus and Speed. Ooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, ooooh.
Obviously, this is not a metro sexual barbecue. All meats were smoked with pecan wood because the smoke master and co-owner is an East Texan whose pagan gods live in pecan forests. These are not easy gods to worship in Iowa. The smoke master must drive to Joplin, Missouri to supply his hearth. The entire menu fits on half of one page and does not include sissy combo platters, fish, tofu or shrimp – only sandwiches ($6), gumbo $4 – $6) or “just meat” ($11 a pound), plus three side dishes. Cupcakes are sold for children.
Not all pecan smoked meats are created equal. 2 Die 4’s whole and half chickens deserve the highest honors in the smokehouse pantheon. Their skin glowed like Chihuly amber glass and even their breast meat was juicy to the bone – the best smoked chicken I‘ve eaten in years. Pulled chicken however lost flavor from its on-the-bone stage.
Gumbo was also worthy of a maximum number of approving grunts. Its deep flavored stock was created with smoked chicken carcasses and sausage was its main ingredient. Brisket, showing a quarter inch smoke ring, could be ordered anyway you like it – fresh sliced from the deckle, the point or the lean end. In the fast service buffet line, it was thick sliced and trimmed. Boston butts of pork were pulled and rated above average in moisture and juiciness. On one occasion, ribs were served during the short window of perfection when they are tender enough to break apart but not so overcooked that their meat slides off the bone. On a second occasion, they were overcooked and I was told that another customer had complained the night before that “they didn’t fall off the bone.” Real guys do not give in to complaining customers who don’t know what they’re talking about – but good businessmen do. It’s not a perfect world for real guy stuff.
Both potato salad (with fresh sweet peppers and onions) and spicy vinegar based slaw were original family recipes that stood out. The baked beans wasn’t and didn‘t. 2 Die 4 makes only a single sauce, very sweet and tomato based.
BBQ 2 Die 4
5535 Mills Pkway, Suite 100, West Des Moines, 564-7010
Sun – Wed. 11 a.m. – 10 p.m., Thurs. – Sat. 11 a.m. – 2:30 a.m.
Side Dishes
Olde Main Brewing Company introduced Puff Irvin’s latest recipe – Clone, an American pale ale with a hoppy bite. Bottles are stocked in Hy-Vee’s statewide, except for Iowa City and Cedar Rapids.
